Things to Duell on: April 2011

Some sweet pics of my kids because I love them so much in the midst of my blog about embarrassment and consistency.

It's 11:00 and pouring rain outside. The kids and I run through the Walmart parking lot while Jaiya holds our only umbrella from the dollar store that is falling apart. Once inside I immediately trash it. We get the kids walmart stickers then head out to look at curtains. We pass an umbrella, not just any, but a Dora umbrella. It was pretty cheap so I told Jaiya we could get it since it was raining outside and we needed a new one. She decided she would rather have a barbie one. I put some batteries and curtains in the cart then its time to check out. She does what often happens when we go to a check out..she walks away. So here I am in walmart paying for all this stuff, I have Tucker in the cart and my daughter is standing over by the easter baskets. After asking her to come a few times I start to get frustrated. "Come on J," "I am mom!" with a bit of sass. I look at the walmart clerk then at Tucker trying to climb out of the cart.....I go over and grab her hand. She hits me, then she starts to throw a fit. So here I am in walmart. My child is throwing a fit. She starts to ask for her umbrella and get upset that I am not giving it to her. I take the umbrella and walk right over to customer service to return it, the whole while she is crying that she wants a new umbrella. Everyone was looking. I put her arm around her and hugged her and told her calmly that it's not ok to treat mom like that. I explained that she will not be able to get the umbrella today because of her attitude and disobedience. We get to the car and she is still screaming. We talk about it and by the time we are home, she is fine.

This is an example today of me being consitent.....But the battle I feel that I face every day is the consistency when I feel worn down or feel like not following through. Yes I could of handed her the umbrella and she would of stopped crying, but what would that of taught her? That crying and whining gets us what we want. We have conversations about fairness and sometimes are not always going to be fair or easy but its still important to have a good attitide and a happy heart. I feel like I am really learning alot about being the best parent I can to the kids in the moment even if I am embarrassed like crazy or even if everyone is watching my child scream .

Tucker often screams right now because he gets frustrated I think when he cannot communicate something. He can say about 25 words and can sign some too. I am really encouraging that. But this weekend we were around about 100 people at Ben's dads birthday party and it was so much of Tucker screaming.....He was tired and out of his normal nap routine and it was really hard for him. I struggled....alot with what others thought of my parenting. But I am learning that I have some real areas in parenting where I am really insecure. But I am still learning to give them what they need in those hard moments where I need to follow through. Even when I am embarrassed or feel that another parent would do it differently. But I love my children so so much. And I am so grateful for their sweet hearts and am learning that confidence in my parenting comes from love from above.....

Throwing a fit.
Screaming.
Discipline.
Consistency.
Vulnerability.
Embarrassment.
Confidence.
Love. Lots and lots of Love.